I have been accused of constantly being angry. I have even been told to learn to forgive, so I will no longer be angry.
Of course there are many good, sensible and civilized reasons to avoid being angry. Not only does it make you feel bad, but anger makes you do and say stupid things and can be self-destructive.
Which is why many do their best to suppress, redirect and mask anger, preferring to treat is as unreasonable, unshowable and unmentionable.
On a very personal level, I have learnt that like all emotions, anger has its purposes. And when its purpose is realized and acted on, it can be used to good effect.
It is a motivating force. It was anger than made me say enough is enough, packed up and left the father of my children. I was angry at him for taking me for granted. I was angry at him for not doing his share of parenting. I was angry at him for not providing for our needs. I was angry. And that anger made me do what I thought I was incapable of doing.
It is optimism. Anger is actually optimism. We are mad because people – families, lovers, colleagues, total strangers – should be better. Anger is a sign of hope, and of a belief that the world can, and must, be better than it is.
It benefits relationships. It is a natural reaction to being wronged by someone. It is a way of communicating that sense of injustice done on me. When society said anger is dangerous, we tend to hide it. So, what does it do to our personal relationships? Your partner don’t know they have done something wrong, and so they keep doing it. And you keep getting angry. So I have learned to be angry, and to be vocal about it. Because I believe this vocalized anger can help me find a solution, to benefit from it, and hopefully, when taken in the right manner, it will strengthen my relationship.
It reduces violence. Vocalizing my anger gives me the means for the dissatisfaction to be resolved. Imagine this: an emotion-filled world where no one has any method for showing how they felt about injustice done onto them? How else can this very strong emotion be release?
And that is the wonder of human emotions. It is a world where happy is not always good, and angry is not always bad.
I have been in a place, where I get so frustrated, I just become silent. So now, I tend to be angry.
Because by being angry, I moved myself and my daughters, forward. Anger helped maintain my sanity in this chaotic world, and kept me persevering.