Disclaimer: This piece is based solely on my personal opinion and experience.
If I could tell my daughters about marriage, it would be for them to not marry young, a.k.a not until their career is established, they have seen the world and met all possible characters of men society have to offer.
So, if I could tell my daughters about marriage at a young age, it would look like this:
Don’t marry young.
You have the world to see, you have places to explore, you have men of all characters to meet, and interestingly colourful friendship to forge and keep. Let me explain.
But first, imagine yourself age 27, with a great job and is married.
An amazing career advancement is offered to you. A career advancement that guarantees a huge pay raise and is located in your dream country. Switzerland perhaps.
But look at 27year old, married you. You can’t take it because your husband is also working and to be fair, he has a career too so he can’t leave his job. Moreover, there’s his family. What will they say if you take the offer and move to another country? Alone, of all thing!
And even if he’s okay with you taking the offer, you have no idea how successful you may, or may not be.
At 27, you are in an entry level position, mid-level at best. So is he. For all you know, in ten years, and with the opportunity that you are given, you could be a CEO and the man with whom you’re married to is still struggling in his own position. Or worst, he is a total goof-ball, who plays non-money-making video games all day.
My dear daughter, You simply cannot be a CEO if you are putting bare minimum at work and clocking out the minute you can so that you can go home and prepare dinner for your husband.
Remember. Most networking events are at night. And on weekends. And you need to attend these events if you want to go up the corporate ladder. Married men (while their wives stay at home with the kids) do it. So can unmarried you.
Your closest friendships are made when you are single and when you can laugh worry-free.
You know it’s true. You become close to those girls you call ‘sisters’ because you helped each other make it through those breakup moments where you curse the world from under that guy’s feet as you stayed up all night eating pizza and drinking the strongest liquor you can get hold of.
Once you’re married? Your friendship is limited to ‘dinner dates’ that last just over 3 hours before your husband/kids calls and ask when you’re coming home.
And didn’t you say you want to travel? Married at 27, you have to consider your husband’s schedule. Even if he lets you go with your girlfriends, would you go without feeling guilty? You cannot just hop on a plane to visit your girlfriend who lives in New Zealand whenever you feel like it. You can’t take a whole month off from work to scale Mount Everest. You can’t even spend the weekend at your mother’s because society expects you to be with him, not your mother.
Girls, let me tell you that you’ll miss the opportunity to make, and have male friends.
Male friends are important. Through them, you will learn more about what you want in a man. At 27, you will realise that you can be friends with men without having to sleep with them. Also, when you’re married, it is looked upon as inappropriate for a married woman to hang out with a man who’s not her husband.
Being single, in your 20s and having an income is the perfect time for you to learn to be alone. This is the time when you learn to boost your own confidence in life because you can financially and emotionally. You have the resources right? Then? Go and travel. See new places! Meet new people!
More importantly, you really don’t know what’s out there until you know what’s out there. There are so many people in the world with so many habits and characteristics and lifestyles that you can even imagine.
Daughters, If you marry young, you only know A. But have you met B, C, D, E yet?
P/S – Better still, you don’t need to marry at all. And I’m okay with that too.